Tuesday Homestretch

So Deadspin wrote a piece on me today.

Wait, wait… Lemme back up.

So Deadspin is a sensitive website that is barely clinging to solvency as Univision is looking to dump them in a fire sale, and they wrote a piece about me today.

I want to be angry, but I have mixed feelings about it at best.

First off, how can I be mad when they used that picture of me?  I mean, just look at it.  The phrase “breath taking” is often reserved for descriptions of the Grand Canyon, but that shot right there should come with an inhaler and a dry set of panties for the female viewers.  If I ever put “my money” where my mouth is, then I will definitely use that as my profile pic on Grindr… And by “my money”, I mean “another man’s dick”.

Secondly, they called me “old weirdo” which sounds pretty ageist and insulting on the surface (especially for an article that has a problem with my history of name calling), but it is actually quite accurate.  I guess there wasn’t enough room in the headline for “Fat” and/or “Bald”, but I think both are implied.

About 15 years ago, I went through a Tupac phase and had the word “WEIRDO” tattooed across my gut.  Lately I have been looking for the motivation to add “OLD” above it… Right between my tits… And I guess this is just the kick in the ass I needed.

When the article dropped, I was taping a podcast, and a guy here slipped a handwritten note on my desk in the studio saying “Deadspin just dropped hit piece on you.  LOL!”

I left the studio wondering if I was in trouble, but instead everyone in the office was congratulatory, even the Puerto Ricans (random racism).  I wasn’t aware, but apparently it’s a rite of passage to have this specific uptight site write a hit piece on you, and now I have to check to see if I hold the record as the quickest new hire to enter their crosshairs.

Here’s my biggest gripe- I just wish the article would’ve been more interesting, or at least well written.  I read the whole thing again to see if I missed any veiled nuance or high-horse put down, but there is none.  There’s a couple pedestrian tongue-in-cheek lines but they didn’t even have the decency to go into the mud and make shit up about me.  They had their B-team cut and paste a couple of my jokes, and then give a 2 sentence comment written in the voice of some cunt you would avoid at a party.

At one point, the author writes, “Is there any envelope he won’t push?”  Well, apparently any envelope filled with letters from a minority, if you believe what they are writing.

Maybe it’s because I spent so long in an industry where confrontation was common place, or maybe because I am such an old weirdo, but I am now known to not give a fuck about most things.  And no matter how hard I try, there is very little to change that here.

Even the author’s twitter page is just basically pictures of him relaxing with his black cat, which I hoped would enrage me because I hate cats, ESPECIALLY black ones (veiled racism?), but instead they just bored me.  Maybe his social life is secretly scintillating, but his social media profile screams, “Table for 1, and can I see the gluten-free menu?”

So if Barstool is not taking it seriously, then neither am I, and I hesitate to talk about it in greater length because I don’t want to give them any more exposure for writing clickbait pieces that have “Barstool” in the title.

What I will say is that nothing has changed for me, so VIVA LA RACISM!, I guess.

Have my first podcast dropping later this week… Doing AM radio again Thursday… Have a long and insulting blog publishing tomorrow morning.

Fuck Deadspin.  And I hope their parent company figures out that they are worthless and puts them up for sale… Oh wait.

Take a report.

-Large